On a Short Hiatus...

...so i haven't had time to write much. I'm on vacation in the great white north. I'll have lots more to say when I get back, but for now, I leave you with a photo. This sums up these two nicely. Now, if only I were in the corner, weeping, it'd be a very telling family photo.


Happy early '09, y'all.

Statuses I've Thought About Using When Updating My FaceBook Page

Feel free to weigh in!

Monica...

• never knows how much to tip the pedicure lady.
• never knows what will make her happy.
• wishes she did.
• thinks The Dark Knight could have been a lot shorter.
• thoroughly enjoyed Heath Ledger's performance in said movie.
• is publicly sorry that she waited until the last minute to say she couldn't go to your party with you.
• means that sincerely.
• misses NOLA every day.
• has to deal with the fact that there's someone out there that she wants to speak to that won't speak to her.
• has not dealt well with that so far.
• has done wrong by RA.
• feels alternately wronged and loved by RG.
• would much rather be a cannibal than be Amish.
• is terrified by the fact that she has never experienced writers block to this degree.
• would like to reiterate that: really terrified.
• can feel alternately very close to or estranged from her friends, the same friends, all in one day.
• hates that.
• doesn't care if people say it's disappointing--she will never tire of wanting to meet Tommy Lee.
• also feels that way about Nikki Sixx, but has never heard that it was disappointing.
• is thrilled to pieces about the arrival of her new friend Little T, who gets more freakin' great all the time.
• thinks that if she has kids, she definitely wants them to play hockey.
• thinks that hockey cures (most of) what ails you.
• has learned that there are other things except...ahem...substances that can make her feel alive.
• would be lying if she said they didn't (used to) help.
• thinks that nothing feels better than laughing until it really hurts. Pains.
• has fallen a little more in love with FG this year.
• wants next year to fall into place a little more.
• is wondering why she needs to hide behind fake FB status postings to be "naked."
• needs recommendations for the next good book to read.
• really enjoyed Slow Man.
• wants you to submit to Fat & Happy!
• wishes she could decide.
• thanks you for reading.

Open Letter

Dear People That Live Upstairs,

I think you are girls, and I think there are three of you. That's my best guess. Our apartment has three chambers that can reasonably be called bedrooms, so if you have the same layout as us, and if you're as young as I think you are, you probably use them all as bedrooms and split the rent.

Here's my question: how is it that you can possibly be so loud? I mean, you're always loud, but last night you really outdid yourselves. Boy and I are used to your little "conversations" that you have on the stairwell at top volume, usually one of you screaming, most likely drunk. But those are few and far between, and as they usually go on between the hours of 5pm and 9pm, they've never really bothered us. But clomping around at FOUR AM in the hallway, shouting on the stairs, and making your yappy dog wake up every time you walk in: NOT COOL. I don't care if it WAS a Saturday...I had a house-guest, bitches! A judgey one, too. A judgey houseguest that was considering moving to the area. I don't mind telling you: you ruined the borough for him, y'all.

Anyway, a version of this note is posted downstairs on my door. I should have said something to you whilest you were stomping your asses around this morning, but I was having a tumultuous night anyway and didn't have the energy to get out of bed.

Good day.

Your downstairs neighbor.

Calling All Writers...

Hey Nekkid Readers,

I am starting a new literary journal with some friends called Fat and Happy. I know there are a lot of you writers out here - please submit your stories - and pass along to writer friends!

Here's the deal:

Fat and Happy is a fresh, new literary journal launching in Spring 2009. We are seeking to publish new voices and established writers. If you wrote a story, we want to read it.

We are currently looking for submissions for the first and second issues of Fat and Happy in the categories of literary fiction (up to 7000 words), narrative non-fiction (personal essay, 1500-2000 words), short fiction (3000 words or less) and art (must be black and white). We are not accepting any other types of non-fiction at this time.

Chosen entries will be published in Fat and Happy. There is no payment for publication, but authors will receive copies of the publication with their story in it.

Deadline for submissions is January 30th.

Submissions must be original works. Please email submissions to: fatandhappysubmissions@gmail.com.

Thanks. We can't wait to start reading.

Not x365...The Love Edition

#9 You are another person I almost lived with, once. I had to tell you no, and that was terrible. It was my fault. You didn't deserve it. I was a little scared of how, when I was with you, I didn't really care about things that I usually care about. The only thing I cared about was us. We could get lost in day/week-long benders together, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't boatloads of fun and drugs and sex and laughing and hiding from everyone in your room. I loved you, and what we had together, and it was exactly the life I had to separate myself from, because I could get way too caught up in it. I hope we speak again. This is the hardest one of these that I have had to do, because I have to be vague and I don't want to. I have so much to say. Gotta nickel? I need a fifth of liquor and a Snickers bar.

#10 I loved you from afar for oh so much of my teen life! You used to tease me with brief moments of friendship and flirting, and I saved these little snippets deep in my brain matter and got giddy with happiness when I'd replay them in my head. Even as youngfolk, I think we would have been hot as a couple, but probably too intense, and broken up and never spoken to each other again. So it's fun that I can still delude myself into thinking that you were besotted with me, too. Ahhhhh.

#11/#12 Did you ever have a crush on someone for so long, and could feel mutual flirtation between you that almost made you dizzy? And did you ever think how great it would be to finally have your way with that person? Did you ever actually get your way with that person? Sometimes, it's not so great.

#13 Sometimes it is.